Sunday, September 23, 2012
Change is hard.
Focusing on the positives can be hard to do
while so many negatives are trying desperately to pull us down.
Getting a handle of runaway emotions is wearisome.
Transforming old thoughts feels nearly impossible. Until it isn't.
What makes up a revelation?
What makes the impossible seem within reach?
What makes motivation take root and grow into beautiful things?
What makes us new and good and pleasing and whole?
Self-help is a great and valuable tool and in recent years I've turned to that approach to try to ease myself out of some really deep anger and hurt and disappointment, but something significant has been missing. There was such a lack of substance in my life. Anger is a scary thing and it made me have disturbing thoughts and I began to resolve many things in my own mind that were really frightening. This is something that I've tried to deny, because after all, I know what I'm doing, right?
Then it just hit me.
And, out of nowhere, I knew.
His never-ending, sustaining grace. It was given freely to me even in my selfish moments of blatant rejection. His gift of mercy, it's brand new every single day.
He's been there. Waiting patiently. Unwavering.
He never left my side.
I feel like a little of His divine light shone directly on my face, gently waking me from a long and fitful slumber, bringing me back home.
I feel like a seed at the changing of seasons, full of hope and light and inner strength. I feel awakened.
I'm seeing this now.
I'm feeling this every day.
These current days are full of a happiness I've not felt in a very long time.
Not the kind of happiness that comes from things or even people, but the kind of happiness that comes from a source so deep within I can't even use words to help reveal it. It's an inner peace, an inhalation of fresh crisp air, an intimate awareness, a sound of perfect tranquility.
He's making me new.
Grace is a really beautiful thing.
And, I'm so very thankful that He is an enduring God of love, filling up to overflowing even those of us with broken cups.